Over the weekend, it dumped snow. I mean, dumped. Layers of ice, snow, ice, snow. Granted, it is North Carolina so take it with a grain of salt. HA NO PUN INTENDED! I’m totally laughing at myself right now.
Anyways.
I pulled out my knitting needles, chunky yarn, Bengal Spice tea, and settled in to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy, yet again. I think it gets better and better every time I watch it. It is such a powerful story that rings true even in our own lives. Today, Holley was talking about hurt. Hurts in the past that we have experienced. She asked how we experienced healing from hurt in our story. It came at a seemingly perfect time. Yesterday as I finished up the trilogy, and I was reminded of a powerful line that Frodo speaks at the end of his journey.
How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on… when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are somethings that time cannot mend… some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold.
As I was faced with deep hurt, this was the only way I could even think of describing it. How do you go about after the threads of life are torn and tattered? You can’t change the past. There is fear that the past will change you. Let me assure you, it does. But there is nothing to be afraid of. In healing, it is okay to have some wounds that go “too deep”. Sometimes we are afflicted with injury or wounds that are so poisonous, so twisted, that they still twinge with pain when touched. There are some wounds that I will never get over. There are still some places that have scarred over, but are still painful. Through that healing, we are refined. We are whispered to. I know that Jesus has healed my heart in the deepest, most broken places. The only way that happened was through forgiveness. Realizing the truth. I am a sinner. The people that inflicted those deep wounds are sinners. I am no better than them. Dan Allender once said,
Forgiveness says, “It was wrong.”
“It mattered”
“I release you.”
And then we ask God to father us, and to tell us our true name.
Friends, do not be afraid to grieve the losses of your story. For in your grief and the process of forgiveness, God whispers to you your TRUE NAME. He holds you close. He binds up your wounds. He lovingly leads you through the painful journey. Suffering brings us closer to Him. When I could look on my suffering and say, “Jesus was with me through the entire thing. Jesus stood with me. He remembers what happened. Jesus carried me on His back. Without the suffering, I wouldn’t be comfortable climbing on His back in the first place.” Climb on His back. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He’d love to carry you through the pain.
As Frodo speaks to Sam for the last time, he says,
You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part in the story will go on.
We cannot always be torn in two. We have much to be grateful for and much to enjoy. Our story will go on. We aren’t alone.
After finishing a box of Kleenex, a scarf, and half a box of Bengal Spice teabags, I was reminded of something precious. My wounds matter. They aren’t insignificant. But they don’t define me. They are just a part of my story. They are not my true name. My true name comes from the Divine love of Jesus Christ. I was torn in two for a time, but that season has ended. One day, the scars won’t even show.
How thankful I am for my sweet Savior. How thankful I am for the creative genius of J.R.R. Tolkien and Peter Jackson bringing it to life.
And my wooden knitting needles. They are better than the metal ones. Less clinking.
Don’t forget to check out Holley’s blog and Tuesday Unwrapped. I know Emily. She’s great. You’d like her, too. Go read her stuff!
You remind me of a poem I wrote during a time I was hurting.
Even the blossoms crushed under our feet
Are fragrant though they are bruised
You can tell it’s a flower for the smell is still sweet
Though the pressure has torn it into